Seigaku Goes Global, Sort Of
by Keselyx Meeko Lyszerxon
Summary: [Yaoilicious] The Seigaku Tennis club heads on a road trip for a tennis tournament on the otherside of Japan. They sure have an interesting route! [Chap1]  Crazy bus drivers? A lobster? And shiny eyes? What could possibly go wrong...


Keselyx: Hey guys! New story! WOOT! Yeah I know I haven't really written anything yet… And so I plan on changing that. Err… I'm sure I had a few things I planned on putting here, but, well, I forgot. Deal with it! I'll have more to say at the end:) Enjoy this first chapter!

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_**Get A Watch**_

_Thud! Thud! Thud!_ Her foot tapped impatiently on the ground. It was midday in the hot sun. It had been midday in the hot sun all the previous days that she stood in that spot, all of the five days total that she guarded the school mailbox.

Her tapping stopped as she began to question why she was standing there, just as she had done each of the days before. Her conversation with her Grandmother replayed in her head. "But why can't we check the mailbox later… Do I really have to wait for the mail-person- to come? What could be so important?" She had begged, not wanting to stand next to a mailbox, waiting for who-knows-what. "Sakuno! What's coming in the mail is very important! And it can't wait. I need it pronto! And you don't expect _me_ to watch the mailbox, do you? Besides you're not busy at that time of day…" Her grandmother replied, as Sakuno sighed, expecting nothing different. "Yes, Grandma. I understand. I'll do it." "I know you'll enjoy the surprise." Grandma nodded before leaving.

Sakuno really hadn't had the option not to, "But what could be so important…" As if to answer her question the mail truck puller up to the curb.

"Hey there, little lady! Still looking for a package for a Sumire Ryuzaki of Seigaku Academy Middle School?"

Sakuno nodded hopefully as she had done the four days before.

"Well… I'm sorry to tell you this…"

"It's not here?" She sighed.

"No. I'm sorry to tell you I probably won't be seeing you here again. Here you are!" the mailman handed her a not so important looking yellow envelope.

"Thank you!" She bowed quickly; sprinting to her grandmother's office while the adrenaline was still pumping. "Grandma…?" She walked in slowly, seeing that her grandmother was busy talking to someone.

"Oh! Sakuno! Perfect timing!" Sumire smile toward her granddaughter trying to comfort the child as if enticing her to enter the room. "What's that you have there?"

"A… An envelope," She stuttered. She wasn't very good at meeting new people with her generally shy nature.

"Well? Give it here, child." Sumire demanded; she too had been growing impatient.

"Yes, ma'am," Sakuno bowed apologetically as she handed over the envelope.

Sumire slowly opened the envelope. "Aha!" She exclaimed rather unexpectedly, "Looks like we'll be in need of your services Twitchy!" She looked toward the rather slobbish looking man-ahem-woman-ahem-thing. As far as anyone was concerned, this person was of an unnamable gender. As least it'd appear so to anyone who could see. This… person wore an all blue uniform with a matching hat that might resemble those of police-people- with its gleaming black rim. Though this… thing appeared questionable, its voice was not. The voice echoed deeply, like that of a baritone jazz singer, which of course did not fit the appearance of this creature in front of them. In fact, Sakuno began amusing herself as this person said, "fine, as long as this job pays well…" by picturing a little Louis Armstrong chibified and stuck in the back of the throat of this Twitchy.

_What a horrible life…_ Sakuno sympathized with the chibi Louis Armstong before her grandmother asked her to leave. And so… Sakuno never appeared in this fanfiction ever again.

Sumire Ryuzaki watched as her granddaughter left, after she had told her that the envelope's contents would be revealed later. Sakuno bounce away cheerfully; she was such a… cheery girl. (Cheery is not to be confused with cherry. Cheery has two e's, for all those dyslexic people out there… or of course you few blind people who must indeed be talented if you can somehow read this. Talented, psychic… or crazy. Then there's the possibility that you're not actually blind, well then good for you! Because now if one of those special times that you have again realized the fact that you can see. The narrator apologizes for this rant, and must get back to the story.)

After staring after her granddaughter, Sumire turner back to Twitchy. "So it's going to be a pretty long drive, you sure you can handle a bus full of teenage boys?"

"Yes, ma'am I can! In fact it'll be EEEEEEEAAAAAAZZZZZZAAAAAAYYYY! I once drove a tour bus 56,000 miles up stream in the Amazon while Alligators were attacking, and only a few" _cough _"hundred" _cough _"died!"

"Uh… don't crocodiles live in the Amazon?"

"No… I'm pretty sure it's them Ally-gatorunos… Yep."

Sumire smiled politely, what had she been thinking hiring this… guy? "Ok… well, I'll see you tomorrow bright and early at 5." She waved him off as a young man came to the door. He wore elliptical rimmed glasses that emphasized his narrow eyes, and long bangs shading his right eye. He made room for the other… man to pass as he left saying," with all due respect, too bright an' too early, ma'am."

The man at the door walked in silently with a questioning look on his face. The same look that always appeared when someone saw Twitchy for the first time, or course.

"Kunimitsu Tezuka! Just the person I wanted to see. Do I have new for the team!" Sumire spoke, knowing that Kunimitsu had trouble starting conversations, and ending conversations, and participating in conversations; he just wasn't a talkative person, what could he say? Nothing. Nothing would be the correct answer to that, because he was not talkative.

"Hm?" He replied, knowing he'd have to do something to acknowledge that he had heard her.

"You think you can get them ready to leave 5 A.M. tomorrow?"

"What for?" He gave in; she wasn't going to let him remain silent.

"A tennis tournament! On the other side of Japan." Sumire explained.

Kunimitsu raised his eyebrows, mildly surprised, "And you plan on having me tell them this?"

"You are their captain…" she shrugged.

Kunimitsu held back a sigh, not wanting to deviate from his usual stern nature. "That's pretty early… You know there'll be plenty of complaints."

"And that's why the captain's telling them." Sumire smiled slightly.

Kunimitsu knew this already of course. Why else would she not have told the team earlier that she had registered for the tournament? Kunimitsu then began heading out the door, trying to figure out how he'd tell the team.

"Remember five O'clock!" Sumire repeated after him.

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It was the afternoon, and time for tennis. Sumire grabbed her coaching clipboard, as all good coaches have, and her jacket, as all good fashion statements have, before heading down to the courts. She had made it just in time to see Kunimitsu tell them about the tournament.

"… So the departure time is to be early tomorrow morning. We meet here before 5." Kunimitsu ended.

"P.M.? And I thought you said early…" a boy with auburn hair curled outward replied, yawning as he leaned his head on to another boys shoulder.

"A.M." Kunimitsu replied before the boy could finish yawning.

"5 A.M.!!!" the boy by the name of Takeshi Momoshiro began to moan. "That's not cool…"

"Wha?!" the boy who was yawning before jumped up. "That's way too early! No one in my family is even up at that hour."

"Relax, Eiji…" the boy he had been leaning on said before putting his hand on Eiji's shoulder.

Eiji sighed. "Ok. Shuichiro…" He replied to Shuichiro Oishi his doubles partner.

"Regardless of the fact it's early, you will be here at that time or you won't be allowed on the bus." Kunimitsu's eyes narrowed, then everyone felt it was best to stop complaining.

"Oh! And bring clothes for… 10 days!" Sumire spoke up. "It takes three days to get there and the tournaments four days long…"

"Ten days! We'll have so much make-up work…" Takashi Kawamaru moaned this time.

"No need to worry about that, you're excused from your studies the days we're gone." Sumire replied; there was a small cheer that rippled throughout the regulars.

"Well, does that mean no practice…? I mean we'll need to get a lot of sleep so-"

"Nice try, Momoshiro, but actually that means extra tough practice, just to make sure you all get a good night's sleep instead of staying up late due to all the excitement. Besides three days in a bus could really throw-off your tennis skills if they're not solid." Sumire replied, logically.

Kunimitsu nodded. "And to make sure none of you will become lazy, we will punish such laziness, from our compatriot Takeshi here, by running 6,451 laps."

"What?!" they all interjected. Even Ryoma Echizen, who was used to hard training, had to admit he found that unreasonable.

"How'd you come up with that number, I wonder…?" Ryoma mumbled, before beginning to run.

After the others left to start their laps Sumire turned to Kunimitsu, "How did you think of that number?"

"Well… I was just thinking about an alternate universe where two girls were talking about outrageously high numbers and it just came to me…" he explained and then shied away into his normal antisocial state.

"I see… Well good luck with practice! Work 'em hard, I'm going home to go pack." Sumire patted him on the back before leaving.

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The morning was foggy, as all important mornings tend to be, unless they're not. The windshield was fogging up due to such weather. Sumire yawned as she pulled into the school parking lot, making sure her car would remain safe for the next ten days by setting plenty of unorthodox alarms, which included: a barbed wire string around the periphery of the vehicle, a zebra taught to trample the butts of anyone who stepped into the restricted zone, a mongoose standing on it's hind legs eating any snakes that crossed its path, and located in the car, was a lobster that slammed its body into whatever window someone appeared to be approaching and shouted, "Hey look over there! It's a stick! And it's in the sky!" It was fair to say that no one would defile the car. It was also fair to say that no one would EVER think of Sumire Ryuzaki as they once had. 

"So anyone here yet?" she asked Kunimitsu who stood just where she had left him yesterday.

He shook his head.

Sumire wondered if Kunimitsu had even gone home and packed. He was wearing exactly what he had earlier. He stood in the same position, with the same look on his face. If it wasn't for the lack of lines under his eyes, and the duffle bag next to him on the ground, she would have completely, unmistakably pronounced that, "Kunimitsu did, in fact, stay there, in that position, the whole night." She shrugged deciding, _that must be his favorite spot on campus, or his favorite dramatic pose, or probably both._

Just as this realization came to her, Shuichiro Oishi's silhouetted figure was revealed. " 'Morning!" He waved reluctantly.

Sumire nodded to his greeting.

"Only us so far? Two people representing Seigaku…" Oishi looked at his watch. The digits flashed to say 4:56 as he hit the light button. "They have 4 minutes." He looked around for his doubles partner. _Eiji… Where are you?_

As if to not answer his question, Kaoru Kaidoh stormed in, appearing to make the fog a bit thicker. " 'Morning!" Oishi greeted, only to get Kaoru's disgruntled grunt and hiss in reply. He planted himself on the ground next to Kunimitsu's bag.

_Wouldn't expect anything more from Kaoru…_ Sumire sighed.

Following close behind Kaoru was Ryoma and Momo, both of which were rather awake.

"Good morning!" Momo cheered, before Oishi could. "Boy! Did yesterday's workout get me a _great _sleep last night! Probably the best sleep I've ever had…" He appeared to be taunting Sumire.

"Good." She replied. "Then I'll make sure we'll have plenty more practices like that." She smiled as Momo's happiness dissolved.

"What do you think your doing, idiot?" Kaoru glared at him from his spot on the ground.

"Just wishing everyone a good morning, yourself?"

"Just listening to an idiot talk."

"Well if I'm so stupid, why is my grade point average almost twice yours?"

"You picking a fight?"

"You seem to be asking for it…"

"For what? You to start your weak slaps… _yawn_." Kaoru yawned.

"Bring-it-on." Momo took time to pronounce each syllable slowly so even Kaoru could understand.

"Some people are just all talk, right Kaoru-senpai?" Ryoma smirked, stepping in between them while directing the comment at Kaoru.

Kaoru growled and went back to where he had been sitting and began his usual anger management technique (aka "the hiss").

Like a gust of wind, silence swept through the area. The silence continued until Oishi looked at his watch once again. "4:58… _sigh_." He sighed. "Two minutes…" he was starting to worry about his doubles partner.

As if to enhance such worry, Sadaharu Inui strolled in. "Why hello everyone." He spoke in his normal robotic fashion. "Anyone thirsty? I made some special Inui Breakfast Remix Juice for the trip."

Before another gust of silence could take place, Shusuke Fuji spoke up from behind Sadaharu. "Sure. I wouldn't mind having some, I didn't have time for breakfast." Sadaharu handed him the pink paper cup with yellow daisies on it, which no one questioned of course, for everyone knows robots are color blind when it comes to paper cups; especially flowery paper cups. Besides this though, the main reason no one said anything was, of course, because everyone know that Sadaharu Inui is completely mad, a mad… scientist to be exact. And if you were ever to learn anything from those old monster movies, it's that you never mess with a mad scientist, of that if you do mess with him, so not comment about his paper cup choices. (Such scenes had to be edited out due to blood, violence, gore, product placement, and overuse of bunnies, normal bunnies that is, not flying bunnies, because flying bunnies cannot be overused due to their rarity. Such rarity can be compared to that of the antlered bunny, aka _jackalope_. The narrator now will continue the broadcast of the original scheduled programming. _Click)_

_Static_ A blank screen appears, then. "No, those are just the stairs… _THESE _are the stairs of learning!" _Static_

(The narrator apologizes, yet again. It seems during our last little rant the remote fell into non-narrators hands and these hands decided they were bored and wanted to change the channel while the rant went on. _Now_ you will be returning to your originally scheduled program, exactly where you were interrupted before… Now isn't that nice of the narrator?)

Shusuke took the cup appreciatively.

"Don't drink it, Fuji-san!" Takashi, who had been walking with Shusuke warned.

"It'll be fine…" he reassured Takashi. "Besides… I should eat something…"

"Drink."

"What?" Shusuke turned towards Ryoma.

"People normally drink juice, right?" he replied.

"Ha-ha." Shusuke laughed before narrowing his rarely seen eyes. "No one asked you, Ryoma-kun."

Momo bent down and whispered into Ryoma's ear, "He gets grumpy when he doesn't get much sleep."

"Momoshiro. Let me inform you I had PLENTY-OF-SLEEP!" Shusuke had over heard Momo's unsubtle attempt at telling Ryoma something.

"I doubt any of us believe that…" Kaoru mumbled.

"And Kaoru's not very smart when he doesn't get mush sleep. Oh wait… He's always like that." Momo added.

Shusuke glared at Kaoru. Kaoru met his gaze with his own glare. Before the situation became more heated Twitchy and the bus pulled up and threw the doors open. "4:59! We leave at 5 right?" Twitchy asked.

Ryoma walked onto the bus without saying anything and Momo followed, while Sadaharu wasn't far behind. Takashi grabbed Shusuke's arm, "Let's go, Fuji-san. We need to get on the bus, or else we won't be able to go."

Shusuke sighed, momentarily swallowing his pride. Shusuke handed Oishi his bag, as he was storing them under the bus in the secret compartments. But as Shusuke turned to enter the bus Kaoru stepped in front of him, cutting him off with a hiss.

"Bastard! Get out of my way!" Shusuke grabbed the back collar of Kaoru's shirt, paused, and then threw the top-anger-management-student-of-his-class over his shoulder and behind him. Satisfied, Shusuke entered the bus without question. ("See, I told you he was stupid." Momo repeated.)

Takashi followed him onto the bus, with Kauro distancing himself behind. Sumire shrugged and entered the bus as well, seeing how her interference may be required if the tension got much worse.

That left only Kunimitsu and Shuichiro. Oishi stared at his watch counting down the minutes, or seconds rather. _5…4…3…2…1… _The watch began singing its alarm.

"AH! Don't leave without me!" Eiji came running into view. He was breathing hard and nearly crying. "I'm SOOOOOOOO sorry!" He panted. "My family was busy this morning and I had to do my share of the morning chores before leaving…"

"It's alright Eiji, you can just get on the bus…" Oishi reassured him.

Kunimitsu cleared his throat. "Do you have a watch, Kikumaru-kun?"

"Nooo…" He stepped away from the bus.

"Yes, of course. Well I suggest you get one. For if you did, indeed, have one, you're know that you're late, and therefore cannot join us." Kunimitsu watched the two closely.

"Come on, Tezuka, he was right on time. You can't be serious?" Oishi replied.

"No, he was not on the bus at 5. He cannot come."

"Oh? And what about me? Can I not come? And yourself? Are we not allowed on the bus?"

"No, we were here on time."

"Now according to you, we weren't!" Oishi's eyes narrowed. "We were not on the bus at 5. So we can't go!"

"We were here early, and prepared to leav-"

"And so is Eij-"

"No, he was late!"

As this argument continued Eiji loaded his bags in and shut the secret compartments. He then began heading towards the open door of the bus, but before he could enter the bus, the door was slammed in his face. "GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he whined, as he did this the bus began its exit of the school parking lot.

Eiji turned around and watched Oishi and Tezuka argue for a moment, as they had remained unfazed by the absence of the bus, before he interrupted, "Hey guys… Did you ever notice… THAT THE BUS IS GONE?!" As a tear came to his eye, Oishi grabbed his arm and reached up with his other arm to catch the tear that had slipped.

"We can't just give up that easily!" he comforted Eiji.

Tezuka nodded.

"What's the plan captain?!" Oishi stood up straight, resembling a soldier as he forgot their argument occurring only seconds ago.

"We run!" he replied, watching the bus, still trying to leave the parking lot. Twitch was an idiot, who hadn't quite figured out how to get out of the parking lot yet. _It's a wonder how he even got here…_ Tezuka thought to himself.

Eiji and Shuichiro nodded simultaneously, "We run!!!"

"WE RUN!!!" they all said together, beginning their Babe Watch sprint. While running Eiji sighed dramatically as he brushed some hair that had fallen in front of his face out of the way and tucked it behind his ears. Their bodies then became incredibly tan, like all peoples' skin when they run Babe-Watch-Style (for what other reason is there to run so slow?). It took them ten minutes, but with their Babe-Watch-Style running and Twitchy's incompetence, they made it. After which, Twitchy, having a sudden stork of brilliance, found his way out of the parking lot.

"We made it…" Eiji plopped into his seat exhausted. "Running Babe-Watch-Style is exhausting…" He sighed, having had no trouble with the run on the previous day.

Oishi smiled at him cutely. "It takes a lot of concentration."

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh." Eiji nodded. "Yep! You have to make sure your pace is perfect: just faster than an old lady with two broken legs and rheumatism and slower than a twelve year old trying to think of a good idea…"

Oishi nodded.

Momo conveniently passed by at this moment. "You know… Ryoma might be twelve…" He mentioned, just now thinking about it.

"… Really? Kiddo? I never thought of him as slow up there…" Eiji thought aloud, pointing to his noggin.

The air suddenly became crisp and the lights in the bus (that were on because it was still dark out) began to flicker. "What were you suggesting, Momo…?" Ryoma crept up behind him.

A shiver went up Momo's spine. Before he could explain, Eiji answered. "Kiddo, we were just wondering how old you were…"

"You were saying I'm slow!" Ryoma accused sharply.

"No, we were saying twelve year olds were slow." Eiji corrected.

"Oh…" Ryoma nodded. He understood twelve year olds being slow. After all, not too long ago, Ryoma had a twelve-year-old cousin. His name had been Alistar Bracelet-Hime-Sakura Pie. Yes his middle name(s) was(were) a(all) girls' name(s) and he was constantly reminded of it. But that hadn't been the only thing wrong with him, oh no. You see, he was none too bright. As his father had said. "That there Alistar-boy, he's none too bright, that one." And as his father's father said in a British accent. "That there Alistar's father was quite a half-witted moron, if I do say so myself. Tea and crumpet?"

You may be asking "Why, narrator, why is Ryoma's Grandpa British?" The narrator appreciates this question; you're a sharp reader now aren't you? And her answer is: Well he's not silly! For one, thing he just lives in England, though he still is (and forever will be) a citizen of Swaziland. That is where he met the love of his life, and some girl named Tamika, that he eventually married. For two, the narrator shall inform you that that old Non-British buy is not at all related to Ryoma. For his grandfather is the father to his aunt, not to his uncle. You see, poor confused reader? Probably not…?

So yes. Alistar had a bad name and he was dumb, a disgrace if you will. In fact, as he reached his twelfth year of life, his idiocy had not improved, it had grown noticeably worse. So much worse that his fate had been sealed, sealed with a little stamp of the notary downtown. He had been disowned, and now he lived in the old carnival grounds as a hobo. Alistar really hadn't had a very good life, but at least he could say it was better than his brother's who got eaten by a carnivorous duck.

After Ryoma explained this to his friend he took his seat next to Momo.

"Disowned huh… Harsh." Momo thought aloud.

A couple seats behind him there came a hiss.

"Yes Kaoru?" Momo spun around.

"You feel sorry for the hobo?" he questioned.

Momo nodded. "Well yeah. He had a bad life."

"You don't feel sorry for his brother at all?" Ryoma asked, siding with Kaoru on this one. "That's kinda… strange."

"The other guy got eaten by a duck, Momo! A DUCK!" Eiji burst, after recently developing an irrational fear of ducks.

"… Yeah… But his life wasn't hell!" Momo shotback.

"I'll make your life hell!" Shusuke shouted, half-awake, half-dreaming about other animals he could develop shots for.

"…" No one knew what to say to that. Silence echoed throughout the bus.

The laughter started in the back, with Momo and Ryoma, before rippling to the front. The final one to laugh was Kaoru, who didn't really understand the concept of "a joke." The only ones not laughing were Shusuke and Kunimitsu; one asleep, the other unable to laugh.

This sudden insanity drove the bus temporarily off the road, for the bus driver had also been participating in the laughter. After destroying a few any colonies, a bush, and a couple trees, Twitchy resumed their position on the road. There was a group sigh of relief.

"Oishi…" Eiji moaned. "All that running from before really made me TIRED!"

"You can rest your head on my shoulder, if you want, you know that…"

"But aren't you tired too?" Eiji blinked, surprised.

"Sure I am, but your comfort is more important to me." He cradled Eiji's hand.

"O… Oishi…" Eiji blushed before nestling his head on to Oishi's shoulder, his hair cushioning all lumps away. He slowly closed his eyes, staring into Oishi's.

Oishi stared into Eiji's blue eyes as they closed, wishing for them to open once again… Yearning to see them shimmer, to see their everlasting depth. An angle in his sleep, an acrobat in his wake. Always amazing. Always spirited. Always beautiful. Oishi never let his eyes leave Eiji. He knew, it was foolish to be so protective, but he always found himself worried, afraid, terrified, that if he ever looked away, Eiji would vanish like he had never been. Just a memory. A cloud in the mind. Eiji had always bee a dream, and Oishi know that no dreams last forever. The morning light always shone through to break the fantasy. He stared lovingly at-

"Wait! Wait!!! WAIT!!!" Twitchy slammed on the brakes. "Lovingly?! Did you say LOVINGLY?!" his lips curled into a furious grimace.

"Who is that guy talking to?" Ryoma asked. Momo shrugged.

"To a mysterious all powerful being known as 'the narrator.'" Shusuke answered, now completely awake.

Eiji opened one eye. "Did 'the narrator' make Twitchy angry?"

"If we listen we'll find out." Shusuke replied.

"Yes, Twitchy, I did say lovingly…" A loud voice boomed from the bus' speakers.

"AH! 'The narrator's' scary!" Eiji clung to Oishi.

"No. Twitchy just has hearing issues, and put the volume on max." Shusuke explained.

"How does he know all this?" Ryoma asked, curiously.

"Shusuke's a genius…" Kunimitsu concluded.

"Ah…" Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Twitchy then decided to get back to business. Err, sort of. "Lovingly?! Like Friends or Brotherly?"

"Why, of course not, silly. How else could this story be yaoilicious?" the speakers replied, just as loud as before.

"Yaoi? Like GAY?!" Twitchy, fitting his name, began to twitch.

"Yes." The word was whispered throughout the bus.

"G-G-GAY?!" I'm not going to drive a bus for a bunch of homos!" The bus driver parked the bus, threw open the door, tore off his shirt, threw his hat on the ground, and stormed away like all good homophobe bus drivers would.

"What were they even _talking_ about?!" Momo shouted in confusion.

"That's for mysterious all powerful beings to know and us to find out." Shusuke answered.

"So what do we do now?" Oishi asked, blushing a bit.

"Uh…" the speakers boomed. "Does anyone know hoe to drive a bus?"

There was no answer.

A snort came from the back of the bus. Kaoru stood up and walked to the front. "I do." He shut the still open bus door, and turned down the bus speakers.

"It seems this is going to be quite a trip…" Sumire sat back and relaxed.

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Keselyx: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. It took longer to type up than I thought it would… Huh… So yeah. Twitchy's an idiot. And if you're twelve don't be offended by that part, please. I honestly don't think that twelve year olds are slow. Please review! Criticism's _very_ appreciated! See you guys next chapter! Where Kaoru becomes all philosophical. WOOT!

Next Chapter: Not Quite Homophobic


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